Blank Canvas Living.com

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The last snooze timed out and Adele’s ‘Rolling in the Deep’ jolted me out of doze mode. The beat found me under the covers and grabbed me by the foot. Next thing I knew I was rocking out an impromptu Rolling Stone photo shoot. I went for it with full-on Lindsay Lohan abandon – sheets flying back arching hair tossing lips pouting hands on hips…etc. For my glorious finale I swept back my hair, flashed a dashing smile to the invisible camera, and swung my legs (toes pointed) gracefully over the side of the bed – my left ankle bone lining up perfectly with the corner of the bedside table…

<SMACK>”… you played it to the beat…”

I spent the last few bars of the song curled up in fetal position nursing my injury. Thank you Monday, thank you very much.

What do you do when Monday steals your glamour? You take it back! When I got to work I found Adele’s song online, shut my office door, and proceeded to rock out hard core, with full-on Cymbria abandon – arms flailing hips swinging hair flying knees bobbing face grinning…etc. Even tethered to the computer by headphones, I gave it my all. Was anyone watching from behind the half-closed retirement home blinds outside my window? Who cares! You know what, I hope they were watching! And I hope they felt my joy. We only get one life, may as well live it dancing!

Sticks and stones
Break bones

Build your words
over Scaffolding

Your life
Your strength

Popsicle sticks
And glue

When it falls
Bones may break

But the words
Will stand

Then the shower curtain tweaked open and there was his rosy cheeked face looking up at me all innocent and questioning, as if seeing me for the very first time…

“Were you…?” he asked, his smile gleeful as he peeled back the last layer of his wife’s nakedness. “Were you really singing in the shower?”

And people wonder why I wear my sneakers year round…

After telling the caller she’d phone him/her back, she hung up and started carping to her real-time companion on the other side of my monkey-in-the-middle stall:

“I hate answering my phone when I’m on the can!”

“Ya, me too,” agreed the friend. “Who was that anyway?”

“I have no idea.”

Maybe I’m a luddite, or just a stubborn hold-out when it comes to that quaint little concept of personal privacy, but I can’t help wondering why any phone HAS to be answered the moment it starts ringing. I suppose, like new mothers, we’re all programmed to respond to the wailings of the people who need us, but what about the mystery? The anticipation? At least wait out the flush, people. At least the flush!

Just then, a small sedan pulled up out of nowhere. The driver opened his door and leaned out. “Are you ok? Do you need a hand there?”

Now, I’m a great believer in chivalry; I take an opened door with all due grace and appreciation. But I draw the line at accepting rides - however fortuitous - from strange men in Walmart parking lots, men who quite possibly spend their Sunday mornings trolling said parking lots for bodies to fit snugly into their trunks.

“No thanks,” I said, with all due grace and appreciation, “I’m fine. It’s just a question of logistics.”

Now, I’m also a great believer in creative problem solving. I took a fresh look at all my available resources (excluding the man who gave me a weird look before driving off). Eureka! And the ‘Urban Yoke’ was born! Note toilet paper back padding. After a joyous stroll home (ok I’ll be honest here, it was still one heck of a trudge) I pulled the hubby out of bed to come take a picture of my genius. He also gave me a weird look, especially when I described my vision for an ergonomically molded, carbon fiber version for Mountain Equipment Coop. I guess some of us are just ahead of our time….and other people don’t buy more than they can carry, sigh.

Football’s grand and all, but there are only two things that can take the edge off spending up to four straight hours watching men crouching, running, jumping, crouching, running…  sweet sweet spandex, and a fabulous plate full of flavours!

Nachos
- 1 large bag tortilla chips (I used Tostitos restaurant style)
- ½ red onion
- 1 green pepper
- 1 red pepper
- 3 jalapeños (you can go as hot as you want here)
- 4 green onions
- ½ rotisserie chicken shredded
(or send in a sub. with the equivalent amount of ground beef)
- 1 package taco seasoning (those magical little envelopes of flavour)
- grated mound of your fave cheese

***Strip that chicken down, grab a sauce pan and prepare meat according to taco package instructions. Chop all veggies and set aside (keeping green onion for garnish). Grate cheese. Layer chips, veggies, meat, and cheese in a large casserole dish. Cook in a preheated 400 degree oven for 10 minutes or until cheese is bubbling. Serve with sour cream and your fave salsa. Munchdown!

Pico de Gallo
(I was aiming to recreate the flavours in Wendy’s Baja Salad Pico de Gallo)
- ½ red onion
- 2 small tomatoes
- ¼ cup chopped parsley
- 1 lime (lemon juice will work)
- salt to taste
***Chop onion and tomatoes, add parsley, a good squeeze of lime juice, and salt.

Guacamole
- 2 fork mashed avocados
- ½ white onion
- 1 small tomato
- 1 lime
- salt to taste
***Add finely chopped onion and tomato to avocado, squeeze in lime juice and a sprinkle of salt. Post game confession time: While the nachos and pico de gallo are Saving Cymbria originals, I used this excellent recipe to get the guac started (but left out the garlic due to a certain personal trauma).

“Dude!” I called to hubby from the kitchen (after thanking the man for backing down first – of course). “You can’t have broken two cups doing the dishes once. That’s a statistical impossibility!”

“Not when you drop one cup on the other one. Oh, and we need new dish gloves too – one of the fingers ripped open.”

Sound logic, sure, but the man had no explanation for his forth casualty; discovered the next day, when I was only three inches away from slicing my lip open on its splintered glass rim.

Well, I suppose I now know why it’s always the bull in the china shop, and never the steer – statistically speaking…