How to make fantastically unique birthday cards

Start with this inspiration...

Start by finding an image off the net that makes you think about that special someone. Print the image onto the lower left corner of a piece of cardstock, don’t forget to add a caption on the right. I used “the magic is what you dream outside the picture”, but you can try “beyond the borders”, “outside the box” or your own variation. Fold and cut the card, then begin to extend the picture with pencil crayons. Let your creativity run wild as you get further away from the photo. Have fun!

…print it on cardstock and add a smidgen of text plus pencil crayon magic to create your own “outside the box” Birthday card

(flower photo source)

How to choose “the right” profile picture…

Something has been bothering me for months now, ever since I uploaded the ‘friendly’ and ‘engaging’ photo to your left. I thought I was above these sorts of superficialities, but, as it turns out, I’m not. You see, I was so sure “it” wouldn’t bother me. Because, you see, I was so determined not to put up one of those can’t-you-see-i’m-so-hot handheld, over-exposed digital pouts. You know the kind, with one hand suspiciously out of frame, the other resting saucily on a hip, the image dredged up from the wasteland of your camera’s overflow. How many batteries are wasted for even one Myspace-styled glamour shot?

And yes, even I must confess, I took this pic myself (by making very creative use of my bathroom mirror). What makes a great profile shot? Personality. I want my readers to want to come and hang out with that smiling blond woman in the sidebar. Come on, how can you resist? She’s looking right at you, hair all n.i.c.e., smiling engagingly (maybe even a bit cheekily), well articulated intellect sparkling in those baby blues, and all the while making sure you see that quaint little wedding ring on her finger. Ya sure, the perfect pic for what I’m going for. Except for one thing. One huge thing.

So here it is blogosphere, I can’t keep “it” in any longer…

My nose is not that big! It is in no way, shape, or form, bulbous!

Thank you. Thank you very much.

And thank you for tolerating this rather narcissistic post. So… how do you add a profile pic with real personality, but don’t want to compromise on the snoz?  Use an action shot! (See below)

So this is great…this post just graduated from “rather” to “completey” narcissistic. And my punishment? Having to stare at this new set of giant-bodybuilder-neck photos. Sigh. At least the nose is better. lol

How to make a man’s jaw drop (and it’s not what you think)

So… I was walking home from work yesterday, minding my own business, when these two fellows came up and asked “can we get your opinion”? This is never a good thing, especially when one of them is wearing a suit and holding a clipboard, and the other one’s smile is just a little too wide. Keep in mind I was wearing a dirty baseball cap, rolled up hideous grey pants, a purple pyjama shirt, and a fluorescent orange makeshift backpack that I got as swag from a Geophysics convention (my job has some serious perks!). Glamazon, not so much. So I knew they had to be selling something and, be it a different faith or front row football tickets, I was just not interested.

“A new girl’s spa is opening up!” exclaimed the suited guy, waving a book of coupons at me (and ya, he really did say “girl’s”). Then the one behind him spoke up. All I heard was something about “free golf”. Oh, those two magic words were enough to stop me in my tracks. I could have been in the middle of an intersection or running with the Bulls in Spain, and I still would have stopped dead and put on my most charming smile.

“Free golf?” I asked excitedly, with raised eyebrows.

They both looked confused. “Nope, SPA,” said the suit.

“No thanks,” I said, “but now, if you were talking about free golf then that would be a totally different thing!”

The suit couldn’t quite get his tiny overly gelled head around the idea. The other fellow, a red haired scrawny twenty something, was just staring. His eyes went wide. His jaw slowly fell. It was shock; it was awe. It was fabulous! He kept repeating the word “golf” as if it was the first time he’d heard it come out of a girl (even if it was a girl with the ugliest pants ever brought into existence) – a fantastical fantasy come true. Could it be that “girl” and “golf” could be combined into one perfect-purple-pajama-shirted” package? I could see his brain trying to put it all together.

I tell you, it’s moments like that, that make those three puts on 18 and all those agonizing push slices worth it. I turned away feeling like I’d expanded the poor boy’s view of women, of maybe the whole world! But should the feminist agenda ever be put before a facial? I didn’t even check the deals! And if anyone needs to save on a massage, it would be us golfers! lol

How to make sure no one steals your office supplies

Post this delightful family portrait where your office keeps its supplies, and your coworkers will be far less likely to make off with the staplers. Plus, you’ll have a visual lineup to back you up when you catch them hording the tape dispensers.

“Google image” search (top left in blue on google main page) your supplies. You’ll be surprised at how quickly you can find near-exact representations. Copy/paste these into Word, or use this template of the sign above.

“Awww cute,” they’ll say, till the sign helps you nab your boss for kidnapping one of the twins *wink.