The spider plant monologue

April 29, 2008

The spider plant on the windowsill of our office’s reception area is dying. Already, one of its offspring had to be quietly taken out of the room and disposed of. The second child is doing better, but it’s now up to me to bring in some soil and a pot for it to grow into. I’ve watered the whole family, but sometimes too much, and other times maybe not quite enough. Some people feel a connection to plants. I’ve worked in the Garden Centre at Home Depot and watched the way some women plunge their fingers down fearlessly into the roots and finger the leaves so deftly. I don’t know the rules of plants. I’m always too careful or not careful enough, and I can never seem to remember the signs of over watering until it’s too late. I am determined, though, not to let this spider plant and its mini die. I will keep bringing them back from whatever mistakes I make.

I need to do this because of what’s outside the window. From here on the 29th floor, I can see the mountains. And they are beautiful, and scary, and full of possibility. Those Garden Centre women can keep muddying around in the dirt, while I go off to explore and challenge those mountains on skis, bike, or on foot. That is where my connection is, not to plants, but to earth on the grand scale – creating stories while delving into epic dreamscapes.

But first there is the spider plant. “Fake it till you make it”. I’m sure you’ve heard that gem before. It works. I’m going to fake my connection with this plant until I begin to learn its rules, to understand a few concepts in its language. And I’ll keep watching those mountains, because it’s going to take a whole lot of fake it till I make it to have the freedom to be with them. I’ll have to step with courage into situations I’ve never dealt with, present what I do with confidence, and look out of the box to form a career around my dreams. There are so many languages to learn before you can speak your own.

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It’s brianaustingreen! (scream)

April 25, 2008

Just so everyone knows…the actor who played little David Silver on Beverly Hills 90210 is engaged to Megan Fox (voted sexiest woman alive 2008). This fact is only half as disturbing as the “google moment” discovery my coworker and I made yesterday, that brian-austin-green released a rap album in the early 90s.

For your viewing pleasure… from the man once reviewed as “the poor man’s Vanilla Ice”… here is… You Send Me


Confessions – part 2

April 21, 2008

…and now about that Porshe (click to read part 1). I was lost in the SE boonies of this fair city and desperately late for a writing group meeting. After learning from a corner-store clerk that I was a mere 50(!) blocks away from my destination, I made a bee-line for the nearest bus stop. Long story short, I accepted a ride in a pristine red Porshe sports car from the most gentle-aura’ed, business-suit’ed man I’d ever met. I know, I know, you’re probably rolling your eyes and thinking “those are the dangerous ones”. But, in my defense, he was friends with the store clerk. I said no initially, if that’s any more of a consolation, but when he pulled up in the Porshe… Well, come on, it was a Porshe, and not to mention…a red one.

Turns out he was also good friends with a writer couple I had connections with back in Ottawa. I’d assembled the husband’s Subway sandwich all the way through writing my first novel. Chapter by chapter, lettuce, tomato, onion, month by month. I left the Porshe gentleman with my email address to pass on to my sandwich pal. I know, I know, you’re rolling your eyes again. A month later I was at my uber glamorous watch-battery-replacing-sunglasses-selling job when an email popped up on my screen. It was Porshe man with a even more glamorous day job offer. “Would you like to come work for THE MATRIX?”

I mean, it’s only my favourite movie ever! (ok top three, and no more eye rolling from you) I now work for a geophysics firm that does data analysis for seismic oil sourcing. Am I a number crunching geophysisist? hmmm, not so much. I roll paper for a living. Oh, and I fold it too. But there’s a machine to help with that, so technically, I roll paper for a living. It’s a swell deal. Decent pay for rolling epic printouts and delivering them to the # crunchers.

Now about that folding machine (aka The Beast). It and I are only now developing a positive relationship. I’ve had to try everything, talking to it, a kiss on the control panel (not very hygienic, but temporarily effective), studying the raw physics of it, and it still randomly mangles the plots I feed it. Whenever this happens, the whole top half must be laboriously taken apart and reassembled by poor long suffering Porshe man. I came in too cocky one morning early on, and not only did The Beast attack the plot, it attacked me personally! I turned my back on it for a second and it gave me a wicked electric shock on my behind. Oh the brute!!

The Beast aside, my swanky job is the best nine-to-fiver I’ve ever had – hands down! Now, I wouldn’t go recommending that other young women start jumping into any Porshe that pulls up. Well ok, maybe just the red ones~wink


Confessions – part 1

April 21, 2008

Bless me father, it has been six months since my last confession blog. I fell off the wagon and reverted back to an undocumented existence. Sure, it was exhilarating at first. Then the guilt took hold. I couldn’t even bring myself to log on, knowing that my November post would be there staring out forlornly, reminding me of two abandoned (no, just delayed) goals. The novel is fully shaped and plumped in my mind. I’ve visited and chatted with all the characters, patiently let them reveal their deeper selves. I’ve discovered that their motivations are not at all what they first wanted me to believe, and I’m sure my readers will like them better for their honesty. 

So why haven’t I written it? So why haven’t I blogged?   

It all has to do with a red Porshe and a job description so ridiculous it could only happen in Canada’s Western boomtown…