Public washroom cell phone etiquette – Lesson #1

April 1, 2011

RIIIIING~ RIIIIING~ RIIIIING~The woman answered her cell mid-flush. I listened in on the short conversation from the next stall – because you know the one thing classier than answering a phone on the toilet is eavesdropping in a Walmart public washroom.

After telling the caller she’d phone him/her back, she hung up and started carping to her real-time companion on the other side of my monkey-in-the-middle stall:

“I hate answering my phone when I’m on the can!”

“Ya, me too,” agreed the friend. “Who was that anyway?”

“I have no idea.”

Maybe I’m a luddite, or just a stubborn hold-out when it comes to that quaint little concept of personal privacy, but I can’t help wondering why any phone HAS to be answered the moment it starts ringing. I suppose, like new mothers, we’re all programmed to respond to the wailings of the people who need us, but what about the mystery? The anticipation? At least wait out the flush, people. At least the flush!


A blindingly yellow blond moment

May 27, 2010

I read the disclaimer at the bottom of the TV commercial with a chuckle – ‘Actor Portrayal’. Sulu’s lab coat only a prop? No… really? You’d have to be pretty spaced out to need that memo! {note deliberate foreshadowing}

As Star Trek’s original navigator waxed on about Sharp’s Aquos Quattron TVs, with their wondrous new yellow pixels, I couldn’t help feeling a little smug, even world weary, in my disgust. Is our culture really so desperate, really so lost, that screening a brighter yellow has become our definition of progress, even joy? Is a sunnier sun really worth so many extra hours’ earnings behind a desk? As if we need another excuse to hide behind a screen! How tragic… How sad… {note buildup}

Suddenly, a blindingly yellow seahorse came on screen and blew me away. Wow! Sulu wasn’t kidding! I felt a real twinge of emotion, of … dare I say it… joy? There was a simple, yet irrefutable, glory to the colour. I’d been so blind! Who am I to deny my people a touch of the sublime? Yes, a brighter yellow can make a difference – all the difference! It can be our one small push back against the darkness of a universe all too eager to swallow us whole…. {note contrast + (slight) hyperbole}

Then Sulu gently reminded us that we can’t see the new yellow on our old TVs. {note this blond turning bright red…sigh}

Risking it all to get down

July 21, 2008

I pressed the “down” button and waited for the chime.


The red arrow lit up over one of the doors.

I made a mad dash for it, the furthest elevator of our floor’s bank of eight, and got there just in time to jam my arm in between the doors as they were closing. There was one long terrifying moment when my arm was in the guillotine, past the point of no return (aka the elbow joint), before the door sensors kicked in.

This moment was so long, in fact, that I had plenty of time to wonder why we so blindly put our faith in technology. I came up with the answer, ruminated a bit about it, thought of some alternative arguments, all while placidly watching a giant metal vice close around my arm. At the last second, (isn’t it always the last second?), just as it caught hold of my flesh, the door released and I squeezed though.

What did I come up with? You ask. I’d love to tell you, but I was in such a hurry that I promptly forgot all my musings the second I pressed ‘G’.